In Mexico they say when someone you love dies, a part of you dies with them. But they forget to mention that a part of them is born in you—not immediately. I’ve learned, but eventually, and gradually. It’s an opportunity to be reborn.
Wanna know the fucking truth? Nobody is fucking happy. Nobody has skin made from oil paint and sunlight. Nobody fucking understands this world. Fuck, nobody probably understands math as much as they claim. You’re here one day and the next you’re not. God? Religion? I’ve learned a lot more about the world by eating acid and swallowing pills. Tell me what your church has done for you? Tell me if you have holes in your mouth from speaking lies? Wanna know the fucking truth? Pity is just another word for pathetic. Drink beer and watch the sunrise from every rooftop. Take photographs naked. Take photographs kissing. Take photographs having sex. Stop making everything about sexuality. Wanna know the fucking truth? Nobody really gives a damn if you lost your virginity at fourteen or if you were the president in high school. Wanna know the fucking truth? There is no such thing as the right person. People leave. They change like ocean currents, they leave you with bruises in your calves. And you wanna know the fucking truth? You get better. You learn to love. You find God in between the cracks of a wall when you’re puking your limbs out. You wanna know the fucking truth? Go find it.
Well I think I’ll be okay; I think I’ll keep breathing if you can just promise me one thing. Don’t you dare, ever, settle.
Don’t accept anything other than utter awe, someone that’s completely lost on how to express all that you evoke, but who is determined to spend forever trying.
I need you to not put up with half hearted loves, only loves that get consumed by the idea of growing old with you.
I can walk away, if I know you will only allow the best for yourself. I wasn’t that, and so I’ll leave with a heavy heart, and the knowledge that there’s not really much point in anything anymore.
You deserve so much more than I could ever give you; I wouldn’t know where to start in showing you how much I love you. But I do.
I know I’ll find someone else to love,
I know you weren’t the best out there.
But I wanted you,
I just fucking wanted you.
Whether you were the best are not
I knew we found love at 5 AM. Our short phone call had turned into 6 hours long. You had to get up in a few hours but you stayed on the phone with me all night. My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard into my cell phone and my eyes were drooping and I couldn’t stop yawning but my heart was wide awake.
I knew we found love under a frozen sky. My lips were frosty and chapped, but you still kissed me anyway. I could see our passionate frantic breaths between each kiss, your spit froze onto my face but I couldn’t care less. I was blushing, but I don’t think you could tell because we were so flushed from the cold.
I knew we found love the day I met your family. At dinner they kept asking me questions and I was so nervous that I could barely even respond. My hand was shaking so hard that you held it under the table to calm me down. When they weren’t looking you mouthed “I love you” to me and without hesitation I mouthed it back.
I knew we found love during our first fight. My mouth was sore from screaming and my eyes stung from the tears that trickled endlessly down my face. You wrapped your arms around me so tightly that I wasn’t sure where I started and you began. You softly whispered I’m sorry into my ear and I frowned. Not because I was still angry about what happened, but because I knew no matter what you did, I’d always be yours.
I knew we found love, when you touched me in a way that no one else had before. Your hands wandered across me, as if you knew exactly where they needed to be. Your dilated pupils looked at me through the dark and shimmered. You grinned. There was no turning back.
I knew I lost love, when you wiped the tears off my cheek, and the only word that left my mouth was “stay”. I watched you walk away into the street from my window, I slid down the wall and felt my heart slowly stop. Everything was dark and cold. I wanted you so bad. It’s just the feelings were still there but you weren’t.